Kitties in HELL

2009-11-24T17:21:00.001-08:00

Every time Thomas Friedman starts a sentence with "Look," a little kitten accidentally hits "Reply All".

2009-11-24T00:15:00.001-08:00

Every time Mitt Romney combs his hair, a little kitten gets to the theater late and misses the first ten minutes of a movie.

2009-11-23T23:46:00.001-08:00

Every time someone puts a business school license plate frame on his Audi, a little kitten drinks too much at a work-related event.

2009-11-23T23:45:00.001-08:00

Every time there's an Oprah retrospective over the next 2 years, a little kitten will get a cryptic performance review.

2009-11-22T00:52:00.000-08:00

Every time a contestant on PROJECT RUNWAY cries, a little kitten drunk dials an ex.

2009-11-21T10:57:00.003-08:00

Every time someone reminds everyone that he doesn't own a TV, a little kitten eats an entire bag of Doritos.

2009-11-21T10:57:00.001-08:00

Every time Bill Kristol smiles, a little kitten gets a parking ticket.

2009-11-21T10:56:00.001-08:00

Every time a new L.A. food truck opens a Twitter account, someone checks a little kitten's Evite page without responding.

2009-11-20T15:48:00.003-08:00

Every time someone in Hollywood pitches another teen-vampire movie or tv show, a little kitten sits down on a wet toilet seat.

2009-11-20T15:30:00.000-08:00

Every time Kobe dunks, a little kitten finds a hair in his salad.

2009-11-20T15:29:00.006-08:00

Every time someone spells "you're" as "your" on Facebook or Twitter, a precious kitten has a little spot of diarrhea.

2009-11-20T15:29:00.005-08:00

Every time someone untags herself in a picture on Facebook, a precious little kitten has to pay late fees on his cell phone bill.

2009-11-20T15:29:00.003-08:00

Every time someone posts a picture that he took of himself in a bathroom mirror, a little kitten gets a summons for jury duty.

2009-11-20T15:29:00.001-08:00

Every time an athlete says "it is what it is" in a post-game interview, a little kitten's iPod battery dies.

2009-11-20T15:28:00.002-08:00

Every time someone says "I'm such a nerd," a little kitten pukes on a nice rug.

2009-11-20T15:28:00.001-08:00

Every time Eleanor Beardsley overpronounces something in French on NPR, a little kitten has to wait at home for the cable guy.

2009-11-20T15:27:00.002-08:00

Every time someone makes a reference to her new iPhone on Facebook, a little kitten's contact lenses dry out.

2009-11-20T15:27:00.001-08:00

Every time someone deletes a non-offensive comment on Facebook, a little kitten has to drive home because he can't remember if he locked the front door.

2009-11-20T15:26:00.000-08:00

Every time someone in a large black Mercedes or BMW pulls a dick move on the Westside, a little kitten forgets to take his cell phone charger on his business trip.

2009-11-20T15:24:00.000-08:00

Every time someone buys Sarah Palin's new book, a little kitten has to get a colonoscopy.

2009-11-20T15:20:00.001-08:00

Every time someone pays $6 for a drip coffee and says it's worth it, a little kitten forgets her canvas shopping bags in her trunk when she goes into Trader Joe's.

2009-11-20T15:15:00.001-08:00

Every time Joe Lieberman chuckles, a little kitten gives up its dreams and decides to go to law school instead.